The boy fights back

 A little background.  I was working with my Mistress and she is having me train my bottom.  She wants to take it on Christmas.  So I was plugged for a couple of hours.  After releasing fully yesterday on Thurs, by the afternoon my bottom was hurting.  It wasn't bad but definitely tender.  Got slightly worse.  Wasn't bad at all but definitely there and I get very sad because I knew that I could not get this stupid bottom ready within the next 10 days for Mistresses desires.

Mistress had said that I WOULD take her cock whether it was painful or not.

I HATE pain and I knew I would do it any way for her and hurt myself and I was afraid that would tie negative feelings to her and so far, every single feeling with her is positive so I did NOT want to pollute those waters.

I know she loves me and will care for me but I LOOOOOVE when the lust takes her and she starts being very direct and naughty with me and that happens when I'm a good girl and do everything correctly.

So, forward to today, Friday.

I've been watching online for my Mistress all day and when she's not there I go on autopilot which is currently still in porn. lol

So for the last couple of hours, my need and ache have grown.
It got to a point where life was just uncomfortable and any time my little cashew rubbed against ANYTHING, it was like a mild shock from an outlet.  Almost debilitating.

I can't think.  So, I come up with a brilliant test that allows me to review how this is affecting me but without it actually disappointing my Mistress.  How?  Well, I don't tell her.  See, I see if I can jerk off with a hard dick to my porn now.  JUUUUUUUST to make sure I can and I'm not too far gone.
Solid plan.  I clear my head, have a great night.  Get a good night's sleep then see Mistress (hopefully!) in the morning.  I don't need to tell her about it because that's not HER sissy. It's the boy who she has no claim on.  Plus, she abandoned me!  When she does that, I should be free from her rules.

Right?  I mean.  The boy was rationalizing, bargaining, threatening.  He was doing everything to brow beat me.  So much so that the panties go to side, I start looking through porn, begin to rub, he gets hard and I stopped. . .

I just stopped.  I couldn't have been more frozen if the entire world was suddenly watching.

Luckily, I'm smarter than he is.  Where he uses brute force, I need to use wile and wit.  I realize he's going through ALL the stages of grief.  Because he's losing control.  He's dying.  Of course he's stronger now.  He's gasping for any breath.

You know what I did?

I fucked myself with a dildo. ROFL.

True story.  I tucked my cashew back into my panties.  I went over to my toys and found the largest one besides Mistress' size.  And I lubed it up.  My plan was to get in the bed and just play with it around my button.  Do a little stretching but it was more about intimacy as myself to distance from the boy.

I told you I was stronger than him.  EVEN when he's at his strongest.

Mmmmm, it felt good but it was clear I was not ready to take something that size just yet.  But I started to think maybe it COULD be ready for my Mistress.

So, I stood up from the bed and put it on my night table.  I reached behind me between my legs to secure it to the night table (no suction cup unlike yours *drool*)  I use the other hand to guide and slide down like a little slut while my bottom ate that dildo like it was a food reward on Survivor!  Oh my, she was insane! lol It was nothing.  No pain, no discomfort. So I kept it in and laid back down.

I pushed it in as deep as it could go. Then I'd pull it out half way then back in all the way again.  I would tease as close to the sphincter as possible trying to let it know "Yes, baby, I get it's weird, but this is who we are now.  This door goes both ways and you're going to love it!"
I even got to where I could pull it out past the sphincter then push back in.

It was delicious.  BUT . . .  SOOOOOOO INSANE.  As I did it, my lust declined.  The ache slowed and eventually disappeared.  I'm thinking "Well, yeah, because you have a dildo in your ass.  Probably sending some dopamine."  So I play for several minutes, happy that I'm SOOOO much closer to doing what my Mistress desires on Christmas.

I'd played this game called Perverted Education.  It's a twine based feminization, sissification, and humiliation game.  Great game.  Highly recommend it.  But I digress.  In it, the main character gets caged and when he goes to try to sleep, he can't so he has to either wait forever, ask his Mommy to spank him (which removes the lust) or fuck himself with a dildo (which removes the lust.)
It's where I got the idea and I can NOT believe it worked.  That's crazy.  So now I expect a spanking may work the same as well.

So, I clean up the toy and I'm fine. The lust is gone.  The hug (what I affectionately call the tightness in my lower belly from denial) is there and my eggs are tender now but my mind is clear and the NEED is gone.

My Mistress was trying to teach me that.  I'm so blessed to have her.

I'm curious to see how my bottom will feel later today and tomorrow morning.

I'll keep you informed.